{"id":3629,"date":"2022-10-12T08:24:00","date_gmt":"2022-10-12T08:24:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/childanxietysupport.com\/?p=3629"},"modified":"2022-10-04T18:28:05","modified_gmt":"2022-10-04T18:28:05","slug":"why-do-kids-love-to-play-about-things-that-scare-them","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/childanxietysupport.com\/why-do-kids-love-to-play-about-things-that-scare-them\/","title":{"rendered":"Why do kids love to play about things that scare them?"},"content":{"rendered":"\t\t<div data-elementor-type=\"wp-post\" data-elementor-id=\"3629\" class=\"elementor elementor-3629\" data-elementor-post-type=\"post\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<section data-exad-particle-enable=\"false\" class=\"elementor-section elementor-top-section elementor-element elementor-element-f9c024c elementor-section-boxed elementor-section-height-default elementor-section-height-default exad-parallax-effect-no exad-background-color-change-no exad-glass-effect-no exad-sticky-section-no exwb-magnet-no\" data-id=\"f9c024c\" data-element_type=\"section\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-container elementor-column-gap-default\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-column elementor-col-100 elementor-top-column elementor-element elementor-element-1ecbc37 exad-glass-effect-no exad-sticky-section-no exwb-magnet-no\" data-id=\"1ecbc37\" data-element_type=\"column\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-wrap elementor-element-populated\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-90477e8 exad-sticky-section-no exwb-magnet-no exad-glass-effect-no elementor-widget elementor-widget-html\" data-id=\"90477e8\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"html.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t<iframe title=\"Embed Player\" style=\"border: none;\" data-src=\"https:\/\/play.libsyn.com\/embed\/episode\/id\/24583530\/height\/192\/theme\/modern\/size\/large\/thumbnail\/yes\/custom-color\/495867\/time-start\/00:00:00\/playlist-height\/200\/direction\/backward\" height=\"192\" width=\"100%\" scrolling=\"no\" allowfullscreen=\"\" webkitallowfullscreen=\"true\" mozallowfullscreen=\"true\" oallowfullscreen=\"true\" msallowfullscreen=\"true\" src=\"data:image\/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAAAAACH5BAEKAAEALAAAAAABAAEAAAICTAEAOw==\" class=\"lazyload\" data-load-mode=\"1\"><\/iframe>\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t<section data-exad-particle-enable=\"false\" class=\"elementor-section elementor-top-section elementor-element elementor-element-4807accb elementor-section-boxed elementor-section-height-default elementor-section-height-default exad-parallax-effect-no exad-background-color-change-no exad-glass-effect-no exad-sticky-section-no exwb-magnet-no\" data-id=\"4807accb\" data-element_type=\"section\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-container elementor-column-gap-default\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-column elementor-col-100 elementor-top-column elementor-element elementor-element-2a742219 exad-glass-effect-no exad-sticky-section-no exwb-magnet-no\" data-id=\"2a742219\" data-element_type=\"column\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-wrap elementor-element-populated\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-219c21ed exad-sticky-section-no exwb-magnet-no exad-glass-effect-no elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"219c21ed\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<p><!-- wp:paragraph --><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-style: inherit; color: var( --e-global-color-text ); font-family: var( --e-global-typography-text-font-family ), Sans-serif;\">This is part of a longer question so let me set up the scenario for you. The parent has a 5-year old and this 5-year old saw part of a scary movie when they were visiting cousins. It sounds like it was a horror movie but the parent didn\u2019t give a lot of details about it. In any case, the child is now obsessed with this movie particularly in their play. Like pretending to be the bad guy or pretending to run from the bad guy. But the child is also still clearly scared because they\u2019re having trouble sleeping and say it\u2019s because of the movie.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><!-- \/wp:paragraph --><\/p>\n<p><!-- wp:paragraph --><\/p>\n<p>So why is that? Why do these themes come up in their play? If they find it so scary, then why do they keep coming back to it?<\/p>\n<p><!-- \/wp:paragraph --><\/p>\n<p><!-- wp:paragraph --><\/p>\n<p>I\u2019ve seen this with other kids around real life scenarios, for example, a child who saw a tree in their yard come down during a storm and becomes obsessed with the weather or makes a point of seeking out big trees on the playground. Or a child is scared of robbers at bedtime but always wants to play robbers at recess. Or you might be seeing this with your own child around Halloween decorations right now, being scared of them and also kind of obsessed with them.\u00a0<\/p>\n<p><!-- \/wp:paragraph --><\/p>\n<p><!-- wp:paragraph --><\/p>\n<p>To understand what\u2019s going on here we need to understand how children process things. We process things by talking, right? If we have a worry we generally want to talk it out.\u00a0<\/p>\n<p><!-- \/wp:paragraph --><\/p>\n<p><!-- wp:paragraph --><\/p>\n<p>Children do this, too, but they also process things through play. The younger they are, the more we\u2019ll see these themes \u2014 these anxious themes \u2014 show up in play. This is one reason why play therapists keep certain toys around, certain standard toys like a doctor\u2019s kit. Lots of kids worry about the doctor and lots of kids need to process scary parts of it like getting shots and so doctor\u2019s kits give them a way to do that.<\/p>\n<p><!-- \/wp:paragraph --><\/p>\n<p><!-- wp:paragraph --><\/p>\n<p>I can\u2019t tell you the number of kids who would spend their entire therapeutic hour giving me shots over and over again. They loved it and they would direct me to be scared. They\u2019d say, \u201cYou have to get a shot and you should be crying.\u201d\u00a0<\/p>\n<p><!-- \/wp:paragraph --><\/p>\n<p><!-- wp:paragraph --><\/p>\n<p>This is the way they work to make sense of it and also to give themselves some control over it.<\/p>\n<p><!-- \/wp:paragraph --><\/p>\n<p><!-- wp:paragraph --><\/p>\n<p>Learning that we have control over our lives is one way we learn to manage our anxiety about what is NOT controllable. When children play with things that scare them or make them anxious, it helps them to explore it under their own steam. If a thing has happened TO them that they did not expect or welcome \u2014 like a falling tree, or a scary movie, or the sudden appearance of an animatronic witch in the yard of the house next door \u2014 talking about it helps them process and move through it.<\/p>\n<p><!-- \/wp:paragraph --><\/p>\n<p><!-- wp:paragraph --><\/p>\n<p>But just like We may need to talk about it so much that we start to bore our friends or even ourselves children can get stuck in their play and may need our help to move on. They may need us to help solve the problem they\u2019re repeating.\u00a0<\/p>\n<p><!-- \/wp:paragraph --><\/p>\n<p><!-- wp:paragraph --><\/p>\n<p>How can you tell? Given that repetitive play \u2014 like giving your therapists a million flu shots \u2014 can be part of processing, how can you tell when they\u2019re stuck?<\/p>\n<p><!-- \/wp:paragraph --><\/p>\n<p><!-- wp:paragraph --><\/p>\n<p>Look for small changes in their play. They may up the ante, like begin to give the shot more ferociously. Or they may start explaining more ahead of time. Or they may offer more comfort after the shot. Even small changes show that they are working with their fear and exploring its limits and its control.<\/p>\n<p><!-- \/wp:paragraph --><\/p>\n<p><!-- wp:paragraph --><\/p>\n<p>What is their attitude about the play? Do they seem like they\u2019re having fun? Are they gleeful? Or are they worried? Do they seem more upset after playing or do they seem relieved or ready to move on?\u00a0 Children may become \u201cobsessed\u201d with things that scare them. If they seem controlled by the play rather than controlling it, that\u2019s Alan an indicator that they\u2019re stuck.<\/p>\n<p><!-- \/wp:paragraph --><\/p>\n<p><!-- wp:paragraph --><\/p>\n<p>If they don\u2019t seem stuck, if their play seems enjoyable, if they\u2019re mostly having fun and if you see changes however small, they likely don\u2019t need our help.\u00a0<\/p>\n<p><!-- \/wp:paragraph --><\/p>\n<p><!-- wp:paragraph --><\/p>\n<p>If your child does seem trapped in their play then you can do things to help them get unstuck. You can show them a way out. IN the therapy room we use a lot of cages or other traps. I had a whole set of toys that represented typical childhood fears like skeletons and mean guys and spiders and zombies \u2014 and kids loved to put them in jail or bury them in the sand tray and put the lid on top.\u00a0<\/p>\n<p><!-- \/wp:paragraph --><\/p>\n<p><!-- wp:paragraph --><\/p>\n<p>You can offer that, too. Let your imagination go and think about ways to conquer fear through play.<\/p>\n<p><!-- \/wp:paragraph --><\/p>\n<p><!-- wp:paragraph --><\/p>\n<p>Now one thing I want to mention is that sometimes anxious play can be upsetting to us. For example, a child may connect more with a bad guy. They may want to be Darth Vader in the big good vs evil battle. We might worry \u2014 why are they identifying with the wrong side? Well, the answer to that might be as simple as Darth Vader is kind of cool. He\u2019s got a great voice and a cape. It also might be that pretending to be the thing that kind of scares us is a great way to master that fear. Pretending to be the robber means the robber can\u2019t scare you anymore.<\/p>\n<p><!-- \/wp:paragraph --><\/p>\n<p><!-- wp:paragraph --><\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s just another way to process things.<\/p>\n<p><!-- \/wp:paragraph --><\/p>\n<p><!-- wp:paragraph --><\/p>\n<p>This is also why at certain ages kids might be obsessed with fighting or weapons. They\u2019re trying to feel safe. Play is a safe way to practice being safe. And it\u2019s imaginary, remember that. It\u2019s no more an expression of real wants and wishes than our watching Breaking Bad is a sign that we all want to cook meth. Adults play via video games, TV shows, and reading books, right? And kids play by playing.\u00a0<\/p>\n<p><!-- \/wp:paragraph --><\/p>\n<p><!-- wp:paragraph --><\/p>\n<p>Play \u2014 as long as no one is getting hurt \u2014 should have free range. Again, that means no one has to play when they don\u2019t want to, no one should be forced to play in a way that they don\u2019t like \u2014 but if everyone is safe and having fun then it\u2019s fine. We adults sometimes get hung up on play \u2014 about what it means, about how it\u2019s happening \u2014 but especially if we recognize play as a way to work through tough issues, we need to let kids do the things that they do.\u00a0<\/p>\n<p><!-- \/wp:paragraph --><\/p>\n<p><!-- wp:paragraph --><\/p>\n<p>Now one thing though. When we say \u201cfun\u201d in regards to play, it kind of diminishes the importance of play. Maybe I should use the term &#8220;satisfying&#8221; instead. Play is truly a child\u2019s work. It is how they process and experience and learn to manage the world. It is vital. And it\u2019s often outside of the understanding of adults who want play to be clean and clear and, I guess, nice. Play is not always nice. It\u2019s serious. It\u2019s important. It matters to children deeply.<\/p>\n<p><!-- \/wp:paragraph --><\/p>\n<p><!-- wp:paragraph --><\/p>\n<p>If you want to read a good descriptions of play, check out the third chapter of the book <a href=\"https:\/\/bookshop.org\/a\/9781\/9780380709595\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener nofollow external\" data-wpel-link=\"external\">Ramona the Brave<\/a>. It\u2019s a great book about child anxiety (if you haven\u2019t read it or don\u2019t remember, it\u2019s the one where Ramona is afraid of the gorilla without bones) and the description of Ramona and her buddy Howie playing brick factory is a terrific reminder of what play can be. I\u2019ll leave you with this short description of their play,<\/p>\n<p><!-- \/wp:paragraph --><\/p>\n<p><!-- wp:quote --><\/p>\n<blockquote class=\"wp-block-quote\">\n<p>\u201cBrick Factory, [is] a simple but satisfying game. Each grasped a rock in both hands and with it pounded a brick into pieces and the pieces into smithereens. The pounding was hard, tiring work. Pow! Pow! Pow! Then they reduced the smithereens to dust. Crunch, crunch, crunch. They were no longer six-year-olds. They were the strongest people in the world. They were giants.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><cite>from <a href=\"https:\/\/bookshop.org\/a\/9781\/9780380709595\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener nofollow external\" data-wpel-link=\"external\">Ramona the Brave<\/a> by Beverly Cleary<\/cite><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n<p><!-- \/wp:quote --><\/p>\n\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>I love talking about children&#8217;s play and this episode gives me the opportunity to do that. Play is a great way for kids &#8212; especially anxious kids &#8212; to process their fears. Listen in to learn more including how to know if it&#8217;s a problem and what you can do to help.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":3630,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"site-sidebar-layout":"default","site-content-layout":"","ast-site-content-layout":"","site-content-style":"default","site-sidebar-style":"default","ast-global-header-display":"","ast-banner-title-visibility":"","ast-main-header-display":"","ast-hfb-above-header-display":"","ast-hfb-below-header-display":"","ast-hfb-mobile-header-display":"","site-post-title":"","ast-breadcrumbs-content":"","ast-featured-img":"","footer-sml-layout":"","theme-transparent-header-meta":"","adv-header-id-meta":"","stick-header-meta":"","header-above-stick-meta":"","header-main-stick-meta":"","header-below-stick-meta":"","astra-migrate-meta-layouts":"default","ast-page-background-enabled":"default","ast-page-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"ast-content-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"footnotes":""},"categories":[16],"tags":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/childanxietysupport.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/10\/why-do-kids-love-to-play-about-things-that-scare-them.png","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/pdNXfO-Wx","publishpress_future_action":{"enabled":false,"date":"2024-05-08 11:49:28","action":"change-status","newStatus":"draft","terms":[],"taxonomy":"category"},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/childanxietysupport.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3629"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/childanxietysupport.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/childanxietysupport.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/childanxietysupport.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/childanxietysupport.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3629"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/childanxietysupport.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3629\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/childanxietysupport.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/3630"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/childanxietysupport.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3629"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/childanxietysupport.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3629"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/childanxietysupport.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3629"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}